Humor Random Comments Thread

[Artlav]

I think i read that list in the context of RAF WW2 pilots and gremlin-hunters.
So it might be at least that old.

 

[Thunder Chicken]

I've heard all those before; they are really funny but they definitely pre-date Fed Ex.

Besides, Fed Ex is an American company and Americans spell tire with an "i".

That's a WWII / Korean War vintage set of jokes with some updates through the years, translated from American into the Queen's English.

Still a classic though. Another favorite:

There were 5 people in an airplane; the world's smartest man, the worlds richest man, the pilot, an old man and a little boy. All the engines were on fire and the plane was plummeting towards the earth but there were only 4 parachutes. So they started to argue about who would get a chute.

The world's smartest man said, "I get a parachute because I have many more things to discover", and so he grabbed a chute and jumped.

Then the world's richest man said he had many more things to buy and so he jumped with a chute.

The pilot said that he had many more planes to fly and he also grabbed a chute and jumped.

Now there was only the old man and the little boy with only one parachute left. The old man said to the little boy, "You go. I've lived a long life and after everything I've done I'm ready to die." The little boy said "That's okay, we can both jump; the world's smartest man took my back pack."

 

[Matias Saibene]

Today the temperatures were very high in my city, so much so that the National Weather Service, announced at 18:00 (Argentina time) that on Wednesday, the minimum temperature was going to be greater than the maximum.

http://www.smn.gov.ar/?mod=pron&id=4&provincia=Buenos%20Aires&ciudad=Monte%20Hermoso
:shrug:

 

[TMac3000]

That's a WWII / Korean War vintage set of jokes with some updates through the years, translated from American into the Queen's English.

Still a classic though. Another favorite:

There were 5 people in an airplane; the world's smartest man, the worlds richest man, the pilot, an old man and a little boy. All the engines were on fire and the plane was plummeting towards the earth but there were only 4 parachutes. So they started to argue about who would get a chute.

The world's smartest man said, "I get a parachute because I have many more things to discover", and so he grabbed a chute and jumped.

Then the world's richest man said he had many more things to buy and so he jumped with a chute.

The pilot said that he had many more planes to fly and he also grabbed a chute and jumped.

Now there was only the old man and the little boy with only one parachute left. The old man said to the little boy, "You go. I've lived a long life and after everything I've done I'm ready to die." The little boy said "That's okay, we can both jump; the world's smartest man took my back pack."

Ah, yes...I heard another version of this some years ago...but I don't remember exactly how it went

 

[Andy44]

Today the temperatures were very high in my city, so much so that the National Weather Service, announced at 18:00 (Argentina time) that on Wednesday, the minimum temperature was going to be greater than the maximum.

Well, you're in the Southern Hemisphere, so everything is upside down. Simple enough! :tiphat:

 

[Matias Saibene]

Well, you're in the Southern Hemisphere, so everything is upside down. Simple enough! :tiphat:

In fact until the day of the date, I'm dealing with trouble walking without falling (here gravity works the other way around). I should move to any of the other five hemispheres.

 

[Linguofreak]

That's a WWII / Korean War vintage set of jokes with some updates through the years, translated from American into the Queen's English.

Still a classic though. Another favorite:

There were 5 people in an airplane; the world's smartest man, the worlds richest man, the pilot, an old man and a little boy.

I'd heard it with Michael Jordan ("As the world's best athlete, I get a parachute..."), Bill Gates (claiming intelligence), the pilot, the pope, and a college student ("You're coming with me pops...").

 

[BruceJohnJennerLawso]

Found on 9gag

Auto land not installed

:rofl:

 

[Notebook]

Mars not safe in Germany...http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-35642075

 

[Urwumpe]

Mars not safe in Germany...http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-35642075

Luckily I decided to buy something else for the emergency chocolate bar supply.

 

[Thunder Chicken]

I'd heard it with Michael Jordan ("As the world's best athlete, I get a parachute..."), Bill Gates (claiming intelligence), the pilot, the pope, and a college student ("You're coming with me pops...").

It works well with anybody in the current news, presidential candidates, etc.. Just make sure the person you don't like is the "smart person".

 

[Urwumpe]

Mars not safe in Germany...http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-35642075

And now, its no longer just Germany... but Germany, France, Italy, Spain, UK, Netherlands and Belgium.

 

[Thunder Chicken]

Luckily I decided to buy something else for the emergency chocolate bar supply.

---------- Post added at 09:12 AM ---------- Previous post was at 09:07 AM ----------

And now, its no longer just Germany... but Germany, France, Italy, Spain, UK, Netherlands and Belgium.

There is a quality control inspector working on a resume right now, I expect.

 

[TMac3000]

While we were talking about jokes...

Holmes and Watson go on a camping trip. That night as they lay in their sleeping bags, Holmes asks Watson, "Watson, look up there. Tell me what you see."

Watson says "I see thousands and thousands of stars."

Holmes asks "What does that tell you?"

Watson replies: "Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, it tells me that it is about two-thirty in the morning. And cosmologically it tells me that we live in a vast, vast universe, of which we are such a tiny part."

Holmes says "Watson, you idiot! Someone has taken our tent!"

 

[Notebook]

Good Greif, its worse than I thought, the Milky Way has failed QC...

N.

 

[Urwumpe]

Now its 55 countries with a sudden lack of chocolate.

Switzerland! We need your help!

 

[n122vu]

So there's a looming chocolate shortage anyway, and now Mars is recalling chocolate bars from 55 countries? Nice. Why don't we just ground a bunch of pilots for some sort of fictional non-currency and bring the pilot shortage to full fruition too while we're at it?

Sorry, Victor Uniform thought this was the cynical comments thread. Carry on.

 

[Thunder Chicken]

Sorry, Victor Uniform thought this was the cynical comments thread. Carry on.

In my mind I think n122vu = Knuckle One Two Two Velveeta Underwear :lol:

 

[TMac3000]

Those planes with the big rocket pods looked liiiiiike...Super Etendards?

 

[MaverickSawyer]

Folland Gnats, actually.