Scruce
Ad astra per aspera
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Humor Random Comments Thread
- Thread starter Tex
- Start date
mojoey
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How to Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity in the Workplace
1) Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
2) Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after you boss does. This is especially effective if your boss is a different gender.
3) Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. "That's a good point, Sparky." "No, I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to disagree with you there, Cha-cha."
4) Send e-mail to the rest of the company telling them exactly what you're doing. For example: "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom."
5) Hi-Lite your shoes. Tell people you haven't lost them as much since you did this.
6) While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in Palmolive liquid. Call everyone Madge.
7) Hang mosquito netting around your cubicle. When you emerge to get coffee or a printout or whatever, slap yourself randomly the whole way.
8) Put a chair facing a printer. Sit there all day and tell people you're waiting for your document.
9) Every time someone asks you to do something, anything, ask them if they want fries with that.
10) Send e-mail back and forth to yourself engaging yourself in an intellectual debate. Forward the mail to a co-worker and ask her to settle the disagreement.
11) Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair-dancing.
12) Put your trash can on your desk. Label it "IN."
13) Feign an unnatural and hysterical fear of staplers.
14) Send e-mail messages saying there's free pizza or donuts or cake in the lunch room. When people drift back to work complaining that they found none, lean back, pat your stomach and say, "Oh you've got to be faster than that."
15) Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone has withdrawn from caffeine addiction, switch to espresso.
1) Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
2) Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after you boss does. This is especially effective if your boss is a different gender.
3) Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. "That's a good point, Sparky." "No, I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to disagree with you there, Cha-cha."
4) Send e-mail to the rest of the company telling them exactly what you're doing. For example: "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom."
5) Hi-Lite your shoes. Tell people you haven't lost them as much since you did this.
6) While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in Palmolive liquid. Call everyone Madge.
7) Hang mosquito netting around your cubicle. When you emerge to get coffee or a printout or whatever, slap yourself randomly the whole way.
8) Put a chair facing a printer. Sit there all day and tell people you're waiting for your document.
9) Every time someone asks you to do something, anything, ask them if they want fries with that.
10) Send e-mail back and forth to yourself engaging yourself in an intellectual debate. Forward the mail to a co-worker and ask her to settle the disagreement.
11) Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair-dancing.
12) Put your trash can on your desk. Label it "IN."
13) Feign an unnatural and hysterical fear of staplers.
14) Send e-mail messages saying there's free pizza or donuts or cake in the lunch room. When people drift back to work complaining that they found none, lean back, pat your stomach and say, "Oh you've got to be faster than that."
15) Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone has withdrawn from caffeine addiction, switch to espresso.
MaverickSawyer
Acolyte of the Probe
:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:
Where on the internet do you find these things?!?
Where on the internet do you find these things?!?
mojoey
Bwoah
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ill never give up the secret.... just kidding.
Reasons Why Windows Is Not A Virus
1. Viruses are free.
2. Viruses don't take up most of your hard drive.
3. Viruses don't need 80 megs of RAM.
4. Viruses don't have major bugs.
5. Viruses don't have three different sets of documentation.
6. Viruses don't leak info to the press about the upcoming Jerusalem 95, to keep people from switching to Michelangelo/2 Warp.
7. Viruses aren't on every computer.
8. Nobody cares if a virus turns out to be 16 bit, even though it is advertised as 32...
9. Viruses install themselves !
www.funnylists.net
Reasons Why Windows Is Not A Virus
1. Viruses are free.
2. Viruses don't take up most of your hard drive.
3. Viruses don't need 80 megs of RAM.
4. Viruses don't have major bugs.
5. Viruses don't have three different sets of documentation.
6. Viruses don't leak info to the press about the upcoming Jerusalem 95, to keep people from switching to Michelangelo/2 Warp.
7. Viruses aren't on every computer.
8. Nobody cares if a virus turns out to be 16 bit, even though it is advertised as 32...
9. Viruses install themselves !
www.funnylists.net
mojoey
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it was written for Win95/98
---------- Post added at 03:04 PM ---------- Previous post was at 02:58 PM ----------
(512):
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
from www.textsfromlastnight.com
---------- Post added at 03:04 PM ---------- Previous post was at 02:58 PM ----------
(512):
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
from www.textsfromlastnight.com
MaverickSawyer
Acolyte of the Probe
:uhh:
Ooooookay...
Note to self: never go to a party with mojoey! :lol:
Ooooookay...
Note to self: never go to a party with mojoey! :lol:
ky
Director of Manned Spaceflight
heh heh
Its Nearly done, just need to get that head done
You just read my mind, I was about to ask you on progress of it lol.
Quick_Nick
Passed the Turing Test
mojoey
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(403):
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
duh...
---------- Post added at 05:54 PM ---------- Previous post was at 05:54 PM ----------
i hope everyone gets a kick out of these...we all need a few good laughs
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
duh...
---------- Post added at 05:54 PM ---------- Previous post was at 05:54 PM ----------
i hope everyone gets a kick out of these...we all need a few good laughs
MaverickSawyer
Acolyte of the Probe
Keep feeding us the aviation or science related ones for sure. Everyone needs a :rofl: every now and then.
mojoey
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no problem...infact, here's one about computers...
50 Ways to Mess With People in a Computer Lab
1. Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream "Oh my God! They've found me!" and bolt.
2. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.
3. When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty that you can't get the damn thing to work. After he/she's turned it on, wait 5 minutes, turn it off again, & repeat the process for a good half hour.
4. Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you evilly.
5. Before anyone else is in the lab, connect each computer to different screen than the one it's set up with.
6. Write a program that plays the "Smurfs" theme song and play it at the highest volume possible over & over again.
7. Work normally for a while. Suddenly look amazingly startled by something on the screen and crawl underneath the desk.
8. Ask the person next to you if they know how to tap into top-secret Pentagon files.
9. Use Interactive Send to make passes at people you don't know.
10. Make a small ritual sacrifice to the computer before you turn it on.
11. Bring a chainsaw, but don't use it. If anyone asks why you have it, say "Just in case..." mysteriously.
12. Type on VAX for a while. Suddenly start cursing for 3 minutes at everything bad about your life. Then stop and continue typing.
13. Enter the lab, undress, and start staring at other people as if they're crazy while typing.
14. Light candles in a pentagram around your terminal before starting.
15. Ask around for a spare disk. Offer $2. Keep asking until someone agrees. Then, pull a disk out of your fly and say "Oops, I forgot."
16. Every time you press Return and there is processing time required, pray "Ohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease," and scream "YES!" when it finishes.
17. "DISK FIGHT!!!"
18. Start making out with the person at the terminal next to you (It helps if you know them, but this is also a great way to make new friends).
19. Put a straw in your mouth and put your hands in your pockets. Type by hitting the keys with the straw.
20. If you're sitting in a swivel chair, spin around singing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" whenever there is processing time required.
21. Draw a picture of a woman (or man) on a piece of paper, tape it to your monitor. Try to seduce it. Act like it hates you and then complain loudly that women (men) are worthless.
22. Try to stick a Nintendo cartridge into the 3 disc drive, when it doesn't work, get the supervisor.
23. When you are on an IBM, and when you turn it on, ask loudly where the smiling Apple face is when you turn on one of those.
24. Print out the complete works of Shakespeare, then when its all done (two days later) say that all you wanted was one line.
25. Sit and stare at the screen, biting your nails noisily. After doing this for a while, spit them out at the feet of the person next to you.
26. Stare at the screen, grind your teeth, stop, look at the person next to grinding. Repeat procedure, making sure you never provoke the person enough to let them blow up, as this releases tension, and it is far more effective to let them linger.
27. If you have long hair, take a typing break, look for split ends, cut them and deposit them on your neighbor's keyboard as you leave.
28. Put a large, gold-framed portrait of the British Royal Family on your desk and loudly proclaim that it inspires you.
29. Come to the lab wearing several layers of socks. Remove shoes and place them of top of the monitor. Remove socks layer by layer and drape them around the monitor. Exclaim sudden haiku about the aesthetic beauty of cotton on plastic.
30. Take the keyboard and sit under the computer. Type up your paper like this. Then go to the lab supervisor and complain about the bad working conditions.
31. Laugh hysterically, shout "You will all perish in flames!!!" and continue working.
32. Bring some dry ice & make it look like your computer is smoking.
33. Assign a musical note to every key (ie. the Delete key is A Flat, the B key is F sharp, etc.). Whenever you hit a key, humits note loudly. Write an entire paper this way.
34. Attempt to eat your computer's mouse.
35. Borrow someone else's keyboard by reaching over, saying "Excuse me, mind if I borrow this for a sec?", unplugging the keyboard & taking it.
36. Bring in a bunch of magnets and have fun.
37. When doing calculations, pull out an abacus and say that sometimes the old ways are best.
38. Play Pong for hours on the most powerful computer in the lab.
39. Make a loud noise of hitting the same key over and over again until you see that your neighbor is noticing (You can hit the space bar so your fill isn't affected). Then look at your neighbor's keyboard. Hit his/her delete key several times, erasing an entire word. While you do this, ask: "Does *your* delete key work?" Shake your head, and resume hitting the space bar on your keyboard. Keep doing this until you've deleted about a page of your neighbor's document. Then, suddenly exclaim: "Well, whaddya know? I've been hitting the space bar this whole time. No wonder it wasn't deleting! Ha!" Print out your document and leave.
40. Remove your disk from the drive and hide it. Go to the lab monitor and complain that your computer ate your disk. (For special effects, put some Elmer's Glue on or around the disk drive. Claim that the computer is drooling.)
41. Stare at the person's next to your's screen, look really puzzled, burst out laughing, and say "You did that?" loudly. Keep laughing, grab your stuff and leave, howling as you go.
42. Point at the screen. Chant in a made up language while making elaborate hand gestures for a minute or two. Press return or the mouse, then leap back and yell "COVEEEEERRRRRR!" peek up from under the table, walk back to the computer and say. "Oh, good. It worked this time," and calmly start to type again.
43. Keep looking at invisible bugs and trying to swat them.
44. See who's online. Send a total stranger a talk request. Talk to them like you've known them all your lives. Hang up before they get a chance to figure out you're a total stranger.
45. Bring an small tape player with a tape of really absurd sound effects. Pretend it's the computer and look really lost.
46. Pull out a pencil. Start writing on the screen. Complain that the lead doesn't work.
47. Come into the computer lab wearing several endangered species of flowers in your hair. Smile incessantly. Type a sentence, then laugh happily, exclaim "You're such a marvel!!", and kiss the screen. Repeat this after every sentence. As your ecstasy mounts, also hug the keyboard. Finally, hug your neighbor, then the computer assistant, and walk out.
48. Run into the computer lab, shout "Armageddon is here!!!!!", then calmly sit down and begin to type.
49. Quietly walk into the computer lab with a Black and Decker chainsaw, rev that baby up, and then walk up to the nearest person and say "Give me that computer or you'll be feeding my pet crocodile for the next week".
50. Two words: Tesla Coil.
50 Ways to Mess With People in a Computer Lab
1. Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream "Oh my God! They've found me!" and bolt.
2. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.
3. When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty that you can't get the damn thing to work. After he/she's turned it on, wait 5 minutes, turn it off again, & repeat the process for a good half hour.
4. Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you evilly.
5. Before anyone else is in the lab, connect each computer to different screen than the one it's set up with.
6. Write a program that plays the "Smurfs" theme song and play it at the highest volume possible over & over again.
7. Work normally for a while. Suddenly look amazingly startled by something on the screen and crawl underneath the desk.
8. Ask the person next to you if they know how to tap into top-secret Pentagon files.
9. Use Interactive Send to make passes at people you don't know.
10. Make a small ritual sacrifice to the computer before you turn it on.
11. Bring a chainsaw, but don't use it. If anyone asks why you have it, say "Just in case..." mysteriously.
12. Type on VAX for a while. Suddenly start cursing for 3 minutes at everything bad about your life. Then stop and continue typing.
13. Enter the lab, undress, and start staring at other people as if they're crazy while typing.
14. Light candles in a pentagram around your terminal before starting.
15. Ask around for a spare disk. Offer $2. Keep asking until someone agrees. Then, pull a disk out of your fly and say "Oops, I forgot."
16. Every time you press Return and there is processing time required, pray "Ohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease," and scream "YES!" when it finishes.
17. "DISK FIGHT!!!"
18. Start making out with the person at the terminal next to you (It helps if you know them, but this is also a great way to make new friends).
19. Put a straw in your mouth and put your hands in your pockets. Type by hitting the keys with the straw.
20. If you're sitting in a swivel chair, spin around singing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" whenever there is processing time required.
21. Draw a picture of a woman (or man) on a piece of paper, tape it to your monitor. Try to seduce it. Act like it hates you and then complain loudly that women (men) are worthless.
22. Try to stick a Nintendo cartridge into the 3 disc drive, when it doesn't work, get the supervisor.
23. When you are on an IBM, and when you turn it on, ask loudly where the smiling Apple face is when you turn on one of those.
24. Print out the complete works of Shakespeare, then when its all done (two days later) say that all you wanted was one line.
25. Sit and stare at the screen, biting your nails noisily. After doing this for a while, spit them out at the feet of the person next to you.
26. Stare at the screen, grind your teeth, stop, look at the person next to grinding. Repeat procedure, making sure you never provoke the person enough to let them blow up, as this releases tension, and it is far more effective to let them linger.
27. If you have long hair, take a typing break, look for split ends, cut them and deposit them on your neighbor's keyboard as you leave.
28. Put a large, gold-framed portrait of the British Royal Family on your desk and loudly proclaim that it inspires you.
29. Come to the lab wearing several layers of socks. Remove shoes and place them of top of the monitor. Remove socks layer by layer and drape them around the monitor. Exclaim sudden haiku about the aesthetic beauty of cotton on plastic.
30. Take the keyboard and sit under the computer. Type up your paper like this. Then go to the lab supervisor and complain about the bad working conditions.
31. Laugh hysterically, shout "You will all perish in flames!!!" and continue working.
32. Bring some dry ice & make it look like your computer is smoking.
33. Assign a musical note to every key (ie. the Delete key is A Flat, the B key is F sharp, etc.). Whenever you hit a key, humits note loudly. Write an entire paper this way.
34. Attempt to eat your computer's mouse.
35. Borrow someone else's keyboard by reaching over, saying "Excuse me, mind if I borrow this for a sec?", unplugging the keyboard & taking it.
36. Bring in a bunch of magnets and have fun.
37. When doing calculations, pull out an abacus and say that sometimes the old ways are best.
38. Play Pong for hours on the most powerful computer in the lab.
39. Make a loud noise of hitting the same key over and over again until you see that your neighbor is noticing (You can hit the space bar so your fill isn't affected). Then look at your neighbor's keyboard. Hit his/her delete key several times, erasing an entire word. While you do this, ask: "Does *your* delete key work?" Shake your head, and resume hitting the space bar on your keyboard. Keep doing this until you've deleted about a page of your neighbor's document. Then, suddenly exclaim: "Well, whaddya know? I've been hitting the space bar this whole time. No wonder it wasn't deleting! Ha!" Print out your document and leave.
40. Remove your disk from the drive and hide it. Go to the lab monitor and complain that your computer ate your disk. (For special effects, put some Elmer's Glue on or around the disk drive. Claim that the computer is drooling.)
41. Stare at the person's next to your's screen, look really puzzled, burst out laughing, and say "You did that?" loudly. Keep laughing, grab your stuff and leave, howling as you go.
42. Point at the screen. Chant in a made up language while making elaborate hand gestures for a minute or two. Press return or the mouse, then leap back and yell "COVEEEEERRRRRR!" peek up from under the table, walk back to the computer and say. "Oh, good. It worked this time," and calmly start to type again.
43. Keep looking at invisible bugs and trying to swat them.
44. See who's online. Send a total stranger a talk request. Talk to them like you've known them all your lives. Hang up before they get a chance to figure out you're a total stranger.
45. Bring an small tape player with a tape of really absurd sound effects. Pretend it's the computer and look really lost.
46. Pull out a pencil. Start writing on the screen. Complain that the lead doesn't work.
47. Come into the computer lab wearing several endangered species of flowers in your hair. Smile incessantly. Type a sentence, then laugh happily, exclaim "You're such a marvel!!", and kiss the screen. Repeat this after every sentence. As your ecstasy mounts, also hug the keyboard. Finally, hug your neighbor, then the computer assistant, and walk out.
48. Run into the computer lab, shout "Armageddon is here!!!!!", then calmly sit down and begin to type.
49. Quietly walk into the computer lab with a Black and Decker chainsaw, rev that baby up, and then walk up to the nearest person and say "Give me that computer or you'll be feeding my pet crocodile for the next week".
50. Two words: Tesla Coil.
MaverickSawyer
Acolyte of the Probe
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You asked for it. Another one from AvWeb:
The venerable Cessna 152 POH recommends testing the stall warning horn by placing a clean cloth over the stall vent and drawing a vacuum. When an instructor asked a student at our club how to test the stall warning horn, he replied "place your mouth over the wing stall vent and suck hard till the siren goes off."
The instructor then asked, "What would you do if the vent was full of bugs and such?" The student pondered for a moment and then replied, "Ask the instructor to place his mouth over the wing stall vent and suck hard till the siren goes off..."
The venerable Cessna 152 POH recommends testing the stall warning horn by placing a clean cloth over the stall vent and drawing a vacuum. When an instructor asked a student at our club how to test the stall warning horn, he replied "place your mouth over the wing stall vent and suck hard till the siren goes off."
The instructor then asked, "What would you do if the vent was full of bugs and such?" The student pondered for a moment and then replied, "Ask the instructor to place his mouth over the wing stall vent and suck hard till the siren goes off..."
MaverickSawyer
Acolyte of the Probe
:rofl: Niiiice.
Scav
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Two more:
Mechanical Squawk List:
Problem: Something loose in cockpit.
Solution: Something tightened in cockpit.
Problem: Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear.
Solution: Evidence removed.
Problem: Number three engine missing.
Solution: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
Problem: DME volume unbelievably loud.
Solution: Volume set to more believable level.
Aircraft Wildlife Squawks (or, software isn't the only thing with bugs):
Problem: F/A's complain of numerous roaches in the galleys.
Solution: Roaches deplaned.
Problem: Live cockroach seen disappearing in forward galley.
Solution: Live cockroach transferred to HIL (Hold Item List).
Problem: 3 roaches in galley.
Solution: 1 roach killed, 1 wounded, 1 got away.
Problem: Mouse in radio stack.
Solution: Cat installed in radio stack.
Problem: Weather radar went ape-%@#&!
Solution: Opened radome, let out ape, cleaned up %@#&!
Mechanical Squawk List:
Problem: Something loose in cockpit.
Solution: Something tightened in cockpit.
Problem: Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear.
Solution: Evidence removed.
Problem: Number three engine missing.
Solution: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
Problem: DME volume unbelievably loud.
Solution: Volume set to more believable level.
Aircraft Wildlife Squawks (or, software isn't the only thing with bugs):
Problem: F/A's complain of numerous roaches in the galleys.
Solution: Roaches deplaned.
Problem: Live cockroach seen disappearing in forward galley.
Solution: Live cockroach transferred to HIL (Hold Item List).
Problem: 3 roaches in galley.
Solution: 1 roach killed, 1 wounded, 1 got away.
Problem: Mouse in radio stack.
Solution: Cat installed in radio stack.
Problem: Weather radar went ape-%@#&!
Solution: Opened radome, let out ape, cleaned up %@#&!
mojoey
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Alright. I believe this calls for a :ninja: and a
.How about this train wreck:
April Fool fever seems to be running rampant this week. Our spies in the field turned up this (unverified) memo:
"There appears to be some confusion over the new pilot role titles. This notice will hopefully clear up any misunderstandings.
"The titles P1, P2 and Co-Pilot will now cease to have any meaning, within the BA operations manuals. They are to be replaced by Handling Pilot, Non-Handling Pilot, Handling Landing Pilot, Non-Handling Landing Pilot, Handling Non-Landing Pilot, and Non-Handling Non-Landing Pilot.
"The Landing Pilot is initially the Handling Pilot and will handle the take-off and landing, except in role reversal when he is the Non- Handling Pilot for taxi, until the Handling Non-Landing Pilot hands the Handling to the Landing Pilot at eighty knots.
"The Non-Landing (Non-Handling, since the Landing Pilot is handling) Pilot reads the checklist to the Handling Pilot until after the Before Descent Checklist completion, when the Handling Landing Pilot hands the handling to the Non-Handling Non-Landing Pilot who then becomes the Handling Non-Landing Pilot.
"The Landing Pilot is the Non-Handling Pilot until the "decision altitude" call, when the Handling Non-Landing Pilot hands the handling to the Non-Handling Landing Pilot, unless the latter calls "go-around", in which case the Handling Non-Landing Pilot, continues handling and the Non-Handling Landing Pilot continues non-handling until the next call of "land" or "go-around", as appropriate.
"In view of the recent confusion over these rules, it was deemed necessary to restate them clearly."
Last edited:
Linguofreak
Well-known member
That's not the kind of computer you'd find in a computer lab nowadays. It's a museum piece.
mojoey
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lulz :rofl:
i haz several more, this can go on all night........
23 Things You Know If You Have A Son
Recent Most Viewed Top Rated
1. A king size water bed holds enough water to fill a 2000 square foot house 4 inches deep.
2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite. 3. A 3-year old boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant. 4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 x 20 foot room. 5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up in the air a few times, before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way. 6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan. 7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words 'uh oh', it's already too late. 8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it. 9. A six-year old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies. 10. Certain Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four-year-old boy. 11. Playdoh and microwave should not be used in the same sentence. 12. Super glue is forever. 13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water. 14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O. 15. VCR's do not eject 'PB & J' sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do. 16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes. 17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving. 18. You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is. 19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens. 20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a five-minute response time . 21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy. 22. It will, however, make cats dizzy. 23. Most men who read this will try the brake fluid and clorox trick.
---------- Post added at 08:36 PM ---------- Previous post was at 08:35 PM ----------
i know, again some of these are really really old
i haz several more, this can go on all night........
23 Things You Know If You Have A Son
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1. A king size water bed holds enough water to fill a 2000 square foot house 4 inches deep.
2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite. 3. A 3-year old boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant. 4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 x 20 foot room. 5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up in the air a few times, before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way. 6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan. 7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words 'uh oh', it's already too late. 8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it. 9. A six-year old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies. 10. Certain Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four-year-old boy. 11. Playdoh and microwave should not be used in the same sentence. 12. Super glue is forever. 13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water. 14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O. 15. VCR's do not eject 'PB & J' sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do. 16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes. 17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving. 18. You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is. 19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens. 20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a five-minute response time . 21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy. 22. It will, however, make cats dizzy. 23. Most men who read this will try the brake fluid and clorox trick.
---------- Post added at 08:36 PM ---------- Previous post was at 08:35 PM ----------
i know, again some of these are really really old
