Non violent communication

[ar81]

I have realized why I failed to communicate here.
I was focused on honest self-expression, but forgot empathy.
Empathy is a tricky concept here, for we have people from different cultures.

In Costa Rica you have freedoms that other countries do not have, and ways to express things that other countries do not have.
So collision seems to happen before empathy arrives.
Let alone the fact that I am a weird person who probably was raised on Mars.

You may find these links interesting (specially moderators who might like to promote non violent communication between members)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nonviolent_Communication
http://www.wikihow.com/Practice-Nonviolent-Communication

 

[Ghostrider]

Let alone the fact that I am a weird person who probably was raised on Mars.

Then you should able to grok us. How's Valentine Michael Smith by the way?

 

[Urwumpe]

Does violent communication exist, then?

And damn, it is already worse, that schoolboys are educated to be women for the sake of calming any aggressive behavior in our historic grown mind...

 

[ar81]

I do not see agressive behavior as something acceptable for men.
I do not think lack of agressiveness belongs to females.
Be aggressive with your boss and you are likely to be fired.

Empathy is needed in Call Centers.
Then fire all men...?

 

[simonpro]

Non violent communication is good, but a small tactical nuclear weapon delivered to your enemie's front door in a UPS crate is better. It's amazing.

 

[Urwumpe]

"You can get much farther with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone."

Does somebody remember who said this?

 

[Ghostrider]

"You can get much farther with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone."

Does somebody remember who said this?

Al Capone, I think. Mess with him, he'll mess with ya.

Non violent communication is good, but a small tactical nuclear weapon delivered to your enemie's front door in a UPS crate is better. It's amazing.

Yes, yes! Set it on fire, as well, and laugh as he stomps on it... Wait! Wrong package.

 

[joeybigO]

Be aggressive with your boss and you are likely to be fired.

There is a fine rule I like to call tact. And i've especially had to address that here on the forums. I would more than likely be banned lifetime if we had infractions on what I think of some people.

I have similar disagreements with my boss as well. I have to take into account ethics violations, I am a chief inspector and my decision is based on airworthy conditions and he does not see it that way sometimes, he want's to use a non-approved bolt for example. My job is to see that he does not. This is where my head comes apart, I blow up at him, I yell at him from time to time, however the only thing I don't do with him is make it personal, the fight is about airworthiness, not about why he has not raised my pay.

However, I can see what is wrong and what is right, and I can wholly let go of some of the BS that clouds my judgement. If you look at both sides deeply and analyze what is the construct of the argument, you can come to an agreement. Now this goes without saying pick your fight very carefully, and yes Urwumpe, a kind word and a gun goes a lot longer than a kind word. My brother would agree with me.

There is something that he taught me: Never use your gun unless you absolutely have to, be nice until you absolutely have to. You don't have to walk around this world like you own it. News at 10 flash: Your don't own the world, your not amazing, your not even rare, your just another one of those people who have inflated ego's. There is words for you in spanish that I don't think the moderators would like.

Pick your fights very carefully, you never know who you might be talking to

 

[Urwumpe]

Pick your fights very carefully, you never know who you might be talking to

Just to quote my favorite general (again and again and again):

Don't fight a battle if you don't gain anything by winning.

 

[simonpro]

Pick your fights very carefully, you never know who you might be talking to

I kind of agree, but I'd prefer to state that if you don't know who you're talking to you shouldn't be picking a fight in the first place.

Also, I am amazing.

 

[Jarvitä]

Don't fight a battle if you don't gain anything by winning.

Von Clausewitz?

But yeah, restraint and tact is key.

 

[ar81]

Hmm... extinction of humanity... cockroaches rule on Earth... I bet they won't be upset if you are aggressive and yell at them, hehe.

 

[Urwumpe]

Von Clausewitz?

Actually, it was Patton. :rofl:

Von Clausewitz is a good general, but IMHO not the best Germany really had, except in explaining politicians what they can expect from a military and what not.

 

[n122vu]

Hmm... extinction of humanity... cockroaches rule on Earth... I bet they won't be upset if you are aggressive and yell at them, hehe.

No, they'll just laugh at you.

(Warning: Warped thinking ahead)
http://www.dusa.dundee.ac.uk/eric/indestructible_p4_cockroach.html

**EDIT** After posting, I realized warped is an unkind term. Better way to say it would be "Warning: EXTREMELY UNIQUE view of reality ahead"

 

[Artlav]

For what i believe, the violent communication only happen between people without benefit of open mind.

When two people with the closed mind meet, the conversation may be like that:
"-Our God teaches, you shall not bear false witness against your neighbor."
"-That is wrong, our God teaches, do not withhold any testimony by concealing what you had witnessed. Anyone who withholds a testimony is sinful at heart"

And the arguing continue, escalating into violence, while open minded people note that this is the same thing said with different words, and go on exchanging opinions.

Some people seek the new, other think they know it all, and here comes the incompatibility of thought, xenophobia, insults and frustration, even wars.

 

[ar81]

case 1:
-I think you need to improve this.
-Are you telling me that I do a poor job, idiot?
-What the problem with you, freak?
...flame war ahead...

Case 2:
-Mary is the mother of God.
-No, she is not.
-She is. It is in the bible.
-No. She is not.
-She is, darn.
-Nope.
-You are going to hell...
-No you are...
...and they both got to the hell of a fist fight...

Case 3
-Intelligent design is true, evolution is false.
-No, believing in evolution is the right thing.
-No, God says so.
-Science does not, facts do not.
-Do you dare to question God?
-Scientific evidence tells you are wrong.
-Oh you heretic bastard!!
-Ignorant!!
...and they evolved into an intelligently designed and scientific fist fight

Case 4: No violence
-You are an idiot.
-I went to school, university, coded some tools people like, so I must be a very smart idiot.

Case 5: No violence
-You are a son of a b****.
-My mother never was a b****, she is indeed very decent, therefore I presume you never met my mom.

 

[Urwumpe]

Case 1-3 suggest escalation for the sake of it.

Case 4 and 5 are suggesting arrogance.

I suggest case 6:

Case 6: Having balls.

"You are an idiot." - "If you say so. Bye."

Don't feed the troll.

 

[Belisarius]

Callous

 

[Thunder Chicken]

Violent communication is an oxymoron. When a discussion (communication) degenerates into a shouting match, the shouting parties are no longer listening and so they aren't communicating anything useful.

The first step to useful communication is to cool off the emotions. Sometimes if you are interacting with someone who is clearly agitated, it is better to walk away and try again later. If you are the agitated party, hopefully you can keep it in check and know to avoid discussions where you could risk offense.

 

[Belisarius]

Examples of violent communication:

"My country hereby declares war on your country."
"I hear and understand your argument, but I utterly reject it because you're an infidel."
"Give me your money or you die."
"Fire!"

etc, etc

It's unfortunately false that communication has to be a mutually respectful exchange of views. In fact it means the exchange of information, whether that information is "good" or "bad" either for the transmitter or receiver.