Great, now I'm depressed

[Dickie]

Heh, the mystery of womankind!

This 'friend trap', in my opinion, is a myth. For a start, if you're after a relationship, why would you start seeing someone who you wouldn't otherwise be friends with? You could also look at it this way; if you try to get closer to her and end up 'just friends' then she's already given you an answer in a way, and you've gained a friend - which is not exactly a bad thing (if for no other reason, than she will have other female friends...who may be single )? I was friends for ages with one girl with no thought of anything more at first, but gradually we got closer and closer till eventually it was obvious we had something more and have ended up seeing each other, and I think we're much the better for it.

As for how to attract the female of the species, there isn't any magical formula for success, no matter what people say. I know during training we used to all go out of a night as a group and beforehand everyone would have their own 'guaranteed to work' trapping secret, ranging from dodgy pick-up lines, equally dodgy scents, and even one guy who had a special stare which he claimed to work (even if it did look like he was having a pineapple inserted somewhere). Point is, the guys who actually did trap the most were the ones who just went out to have a few beers and a laugh with the guys.

Reference the initial post, don't feel like you *should* be in a relationship or you are somehow lesser if you aren't. If you haven't got the time to put in, or aren't willing to put in the effort required to keep a relationship going then there isn't much point. Enjoy being single, and make the most of not having to worry about somebody else and how what you do will affect them - you will miss it one day!

Alternatively, if it's just a quick squeeze you're after, I did meet one guy (unsurprisingly it turned out he was a submariner) who would go round every girl he could find in a club and ask them if they'd sleep with him. Eventually, after a good few slaps, he'd always find one who would say yes!

 

[Urwumpe]

Alternatively, if it's just a quick squeeze you're after, I did meet one guy (unsurprisingly it turned out he was a submariner) who would go round every girl he could find in a club and ask them if they'd sleep with him. Eventually, after a good few slaps, he'd always find one who would say yes!

"Hi, I am new in this town, can you show me the way to your apartment?"

:rofl:

 

[Missioncmdr]

so don't worry too much that you don't look like someone else who ploughs through women like your average orbinaut ploughs through MFD addons.

Dear god, I think my head is going to explode from that analogy. :lol:

Thats not good... How long ago did you graduate?

It is not that not good! It was about seven months ago, but the main reason for that is my job.

 

[Arrowstar]

Are you at a technical school? Or perhaps a university that has mostly technical majors, such as engineering? If so, my advice to you is to go figure out where the local mostly-women's university is (we actually have an all-girls school in my city ) and see if your school has events with them, socials and the like. If you do, go! Great place to meet people.

 

[ar81]

Dear god, I think my head is going to explode from that analogy. :lol:

Unlike MFDs, women do not do exactly what you want.
They are not your property, so that's logical.

 

[Star explorer]

Actually not. If you are really a friend, there is no chance to defraud.

If you have friends that are female, not only are you half way there to understanding their needs, but the other half is covered in that you have female friends that will tell you honestly if you are blowing it.

again i was joking

 

[Urwumpe]

Unlike MFDs, women do not do exactly what you want.
They are not your property, so that's logical.

Which is sure better that way... I don't want to image what happens if all people do, what I say, instead of doing something good.

 

[Star explorer]

oh this has nothing to do with anything, but NEVER NEVER EVER say the following pickup line to a girl: If you were a ray gun you would be set on stunning



it makes you sound like a dork

 

[RAF92_Moser]

Today was crap. I waited a week to get a reply from a girl I like on whether or not she would be my girl friend, then got a "I'm sorry, I don't think so." WHen I checked my E-mail, I saw someone had left the following comment in my inbox on Youtube-
"yo f*g you s**K d**k i hope u burn in hel u got no grlfrend loser"
Normally, I wouldn't take this personally, but after what happened, I feel pretty down. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going onto howdoikillmyself.com

Aww...rejections are tough and a blow to confidence but, hey, they are learning experience.

You should ask a girl out in person. The e-mail thing is great for exchanging love notes lol, but it is unacceptable for asking women out. Secondly, ask them out onto a date, not ask them out in general. Hell, you don't have to ask them out at all sometimes. You could have the benefit of flirting and hanging out, and when the time is right, lay down the first kiss. Then everything would probably unfold from there. But don't take all year! Women aren't going to wait forever!

Getting a girlfriend isn't the hard part. Honestly, if one girl finds you cute (and all girls have unique tastes....well almost all) and you ask her out onto a date, she'll probably say yes. Remember its up to the guy...woman won't ask you out...just drop hints.

Now once you have a girlfriend...the fun and games begin....maintaining relationships is the hard part...for me at least.

 

[Kurt M. Weber]

Protip: Don't ask girls out via e-mail, or IM, or myspace, or whatever. Seriously, it makes you look like a wuss. Ask women out face-to-face. You'll get an immediate response, and you won't look totally pathetic in the process.

Also, do NOT ever say, up front, "Do you want to be my girlfriend?" Nothing could be cheesier. Start a conversation--with small talk over something--and go from there. If you are enjoying the conversation, and she seems to be too, "Hey, want to have dinner?" (or a drink, or whatever) works wonders. If that date goes well, maybe she'll suggest you go out again...and eventually, a relationship forms. And if not, and you only go out on one or two or three dates, that's fine too. I've been in both situations.

Also, yeah, you're never going to have a serious romantic relationship from a friendship that starts with a failed attempt to get a date. And that friendship isn't likely to be that great, either--"Let's be friends" is just really, really, formal and forced, and frankly a bit dishonest. Real friendships don't form that way.

On the other hand, I have had real romantic relationships evolve from REAL friendships that evolved spontaneously, the way REAL friendships do. Some ended great, some not so well.


-----Post Added-----

oh this has nothing to do with anything, but NEVER NEVER EVER say the following pickup line to a girl: If you were a ray gun you would be set on stunning



it makes you sound like a dork

You know, pickup lines can actually work, if it's obvious you're using them ironically and you're not seriously thinking they'll get you a date by themselves.

 

[Arrowstar]

I very much subscribe to the "conversation -> dinner -> beyond" methodology for dating. It works great, especially if you two have met at public events, because it gives you a chance alone to see how things are. And, of course, your choice of restaurant can help, too.

 

[Star explorer]

You know, pickup lines can actually work, if it's obvious you're using them ironically and you're not seriously thinking they'll get you a date by themselves.

I diden't say they don't work I was saying that the one I posted makes you sound like a dork.

 

[spaceranger]

Man, don't sweat it. I met my wife under completely random-a** circumstances, every thing that had happened up to that point in our lives had ended up with her and I meeting, somehow. Freaky. Relationships stop being an analytical/math problem at 1 + 1, and they tend to break each and every rational notion you might ever have with a 10 ton hammer and some serious gusto, honestly. ;} You get into relationships more like the way you get down a rocky hill on a mountain bike. By the time you can analyze what to do, you're at the bottom of the hill, blinking; gotta use intuition, it's the only thing that can work fast enough to matter, apart from reflex, which can really swing off sometimes, buyer beware.

May the road rise, amigo!

 

[TMac3000]

... don't get sucked into the 'friend' trap... ugh... i've been there a few times and thats happened to everyone i know at least once.

I beg to differ. The "friend trap" can be interesting if it's with the right person. I met this fantastic woman at college--smart, beautiful, and a strong Christian like me--crushed on her for a month or so. We talked a lot and got to be good friends--I didn't even have to tell her how I felt, she just figured it out herself. So she calls me one night and gives me a very gentle letdown.

It hurt, but I let it go. Don't call her, I say to myself, she will call you if she wants to talk. A few nights later, she calls me, saying that I haven't called in a while, and that she likes hearing from me, and that she was afraid I was mad at her. "I'm your friend," she says. "I want to hear from you."

So I started calling her regularly. Since then, she has been to my house three times, and went with me on a family outing once. Now, I am not under any assumptions here, and I am not going to push it, but the fact is that girls often say they don't want you, but in reality they are just not sure. Give her time. Let her go, and if she comes back to you on her own, well then...

 

[RichWall]

I beg to differ. The "friend trap" can be interesting if it's with the right person. I met this fantastic woman at college--smart, beautiful, and a strong Christian like me--crushed on her for a month or so. We talked a lot and got to be good friends--I didn't even have to tell her how I felt, she just figured it out herself. So she calls me one night and gives me a very gentle letdown.

It hurt, but I let it go. Don't call her, I say to myself, she will call you if she wants to talk. A few nights later, she calls me, saying that I haven't called in a while, and that she likes hearing from me, and that she was afraid I was mad at her. "I'm your friend," she says. "I want to hear from you."

So I started calling her regularly. Since then, she has been to my house three times, and went with me on a family outing once. Now, I am not under any assumptions here, and I am not going to push it, but the fact is that girls often say they don't want you, but in reality they are just not sure. Give her time. Let her go, and if she comes back to you on her own, well then...

Excellent post.

Novel idea, become friends, then see.

Must be that ol' trust thing, I guess.

 

[Fireproof]

hey RichWall don't feel left out i like a girl at school but i am waiting to tell her.

 

[Andy44]

It's good to have female friends. They are good people to talk to about girl stuff, and they make great wingmen.

 

[Fireproof]

yup

 

[RichWall]

i like a girl at school but i am waiting to tell her.

I did the same thing. She and I will be celebrating our 30th anniversary in June.

At parties, I introduce her as my 1st wife.

 

[Coolhand]

I beg to differ. The "friend trap" can be interesting if it's with the right person. I met this fantastic woman at college--smart, beautiful, and a strong Christian like me--crushed on her for a month or so. We talked a lot and got to be good friends--I didn't even have to tell her how I felt, she just figured it out herself. So she calls me one night and gives me a very gentle letdown.

It hurt, but I let it go. Don't call her, I say to myself, she will call you if she wants to talk. A few nights later, she calls me, saying that I haven't called in a while, and that she likes hearing from me, and that she was afraid I was mad at her. "I'm your friend," she says. "I want to hear from you."

So I started calling her regularly. Since then, she has been to my house three times, and went with me on a family outing once. Now, I am not under any assumptions here, and I am not going to push it, but the fact is that girls often say they don't want you, but in reality they are just not sure. Give her time. Let her go, and if she comes back to you on her own, well then...

So, currently, she thinks you're just friends and you still have a crush on her.

You were friends to begin with, and at this point you're still apparently friends, I see nothing in your post that hints at anything more from her.

Does she know you still have feelings for her or have you told her you're getting over / have gotten over it? If she does know that you still like her, what does she think of that at this point?