Humor Orbithangar: Humor rant addon 2.1.1- Orbiter bureaucracy ultimate edition

[ar81]

After hundreds of thousands of years of human evolution and development here comes the ultimate simulator: Orbiter bureaucracy ultimate addon.:lol::rofl:

This addon contains the latest technology on politicial neural networks and bureaucratic AI, so you need to install a good antivirus against stupidity to protect your installation against dumb decisions.

Enjoy being unable to launch your favorite craft or have your vessel grounded in your favorite scenario, because you suffered a budget cut caused by a financial crisis.

Enjoy deorbiting your barely completed space station that had a cost of billions of dollars, because of bureaucratic decisions.

Send your international space station to a useless orbit that is not good to travel to other planets. And make it useless for any experiment after political decisions.

Make your interplanetary ship to be able to go to LEO only because of sudden budget cuts.

Enjoy being stuck and unable to send supplies or bring your space station astronauts down during the turmoil of the end of cold war.

Do not miss the latest patch, that includes bogus political decisions and launches, with defective boosters that explode due to bureaucratic decisions that lead you through the wrong path, or experience deadly atmospheric entries after a pizza box (also called space debris or space junk) hits your heat shield.

This addon will be a love or hate addon, and you may either laugh or die of boredom with it.

This special edition is opened to suggestions about how to make this dumb simulator even dumber than the individual who wrote this post.:speakcool:

 

[MJR]

LMAO. That is pretty funny and partly true.

 

[cjp]

Wow. That would bring ultimate realism to the world of Orbiter!

Where can I download it?
:speakcool:

 

[Pilot7893]

You forgot something.
-Enjoy not even being able to see your mission unfold, because the public isn't interested in space anymore and the public brodcast channel is showing a middle school hockey game!

 

[ar81]

Planned features for future versions:

-Discover how to achieve a promotion from being an astronaut with a top salary of $100,000 a year, to become CEO and make $133,7 million. See list of top scores of players of this beta addon here. Warning: The economy of this new addon is very unstable and could lead to CTD or planetary System Halt.

Let other players to be astronauts who risk their lives while you make big money without risking your life.

Use the force to attract Jar Jar Binks into the Orbiter universe.

Use the special plugin that allows Star Wars physics if you bypass the political Jedi commitee and imperial bureaucracy.

 

[willy88]

New add-on:

Directly connect Orbiter Bureaucracy Ultimate Edition to the brains of hundreds of thousands of bureaucrats, for the ultimate realism!

:rofl:

 

[ar81]

That is the plugin for the new TrackIR device.
It is conveniently available in the nearest computer store.
Orbiter will never be offline again, after you use this addon.
No more video memory or processor speed problems. Your brain will be used instead. Just be aware that you should watch the temperature not to fry your brain, and also it is not recommended to overclock your brain.

 

[Eagle]

Also enjoy the new Addon CTD load features. Found a cool addon you'd like to try out. Well enjoy repeatedly loading Orbiter with the extended load time Red Tape plugin. Sit for minutes thinking about how cool this addon might be and get ready for the inevitable CTD when your project has been canceled.

Political Logic allows for the time until your hope killing CTD to be highly variable. Think maybe it might finaly load after not crashing for an hour or more? We'll never tell.

And don't worry about multitasking, your load screen will consume all available CPU cycles, memory, including virtual memory and fill up that pesky harddrive with useless blather.

 

[barcode]

Sounds like Buzz Aldrin's Race Into Space with all the fun surgically removed.

 

[ar81]

Try to start a race into space, against the evil credit crunchies, but you will start with a country with unsustainable regimes in many aspects that faces financial crisis, high debt, high trade deficit, huge government deficit, and reluctance of politicians and bankers to embrace any kind of change or reform.

Reach the moon and feel the glory and struggle for the next 50 years to try to get a budget bring anything to LEO, until finally your LEO station is deorbited and you start over your space program. Isn't it exciting to go back in time? Well, this download is only 2 clicks away.

 

[TSPenguin]

Well, this download is only 2 clicks away.

One click to the requisition form, another click to get to the tracking page for your requisition?!

 

[ar81]

The addon SDK includes a form generator (Bureaucracy Wizard 2.1.1) to design code for new useless forms to make your bureaucracy bigger and bigger and more exciting. Soon you will find the need for a hardware upgrade to couple with the processing power needed, and in the future when you had forgotten that you designed them, you may wonder what the heck are all those freaking forms for.

 

[TSPenguin]

Does it have multiplayer support? Can I hire lobyists to hinder my opponents space programs?

 

[the.punk]

This is funny.
Multiplayer would also be interesting.

 

[Ark]

Release a special 3rd World Space Programs expansion next year. Experience unlimited budgets and accelerated timetables while you execute political dissidents or use them as a bottomless supply of slave labor to replace the couple hundred workers that periodically get blown up during fueling. Then, see what it's like to launch your 'Dongs across Japan, only to have them crash in the ocean or get shot down by dirty Capitalist ASATs.

 

[ar81]

The latest feature that is to be implemented: Corruption. It requires corrupted files and lobbyist files. Fortunately corrupted text can be edited with notepad to create syntax errors.

 

[insanity]

Release a special 3rd World Space Programs expansion next year. Experience unlimited budgets and accelerated timetables while you execute political dissidents or use them as a bottomless supply of slave labor to replace the couple hundred workers that periodically get blown up during fueling. Then, see what it's like to launch your 'Dongs across Japan, only to have them crash in the ocean or get shot down by dirty Capitalist ASATs.

I always giggle when North Korea shoots off their 'Dongs and they always fall dilapidated and into the sea.

My suggestion for this great new addon is the addition of a lobbying feature which is programmed to try and kill all good ideas and replace them with irrelevant old ones. Eventually this mode will reach a climatic battle for reform in which the lobbyists attempt to deafen any articulation for change because they benefit most from the out-dated and broken system. This feature would also include a mode where the health of the entire crew slowly declines, launches are held in terrible places, and funding allocations that mandate you essentially waste money.

 

[Viper1]

Let's not forget that we have include a bloated bidding system for the contractors who just want to line their pockets with cash. They also require another set of submission forms in triplicate and at least 6 months notice for submision with and an open ended timeline for completion.No resposibility clause in case of errors or malfunction.(Which brings in the Lawyers)

 

[n122vu]

And let's not forget the Lunar Hoax Expansion Pack. You'll spend hours replaying pre-recorded missions to skeptics who claim that the simulation isn't real, and that you created that video with spliced-together frames of photoshopped anim8or renderings. Then, once the Bureaucracy Engine kicks in and grounds your more advanced space program due to the poor decisions and archaic planning strategies provided by the previous expansion, you can spend years developing a new one based on your old design, and even launch probes to the moon and image the landing sites of your previous missions, only to be told that the images are faked, or that you just added the landing site artifacts with the scenario editor.

 

[Andy44]

I am looking for some developers to help me with the new Nuclear Protestors add-on. This add-on will place a crowd of whiny protestors at the roadway entrances to any surface bases with nuclear-powered spacecraft stacked up on the pads. Attempting to launch will lead to random political consquences. Any takers?